Choosing Your Strategies
Why difference in strategies between Parenting job 1 and 2? The answer lies in the issue of motivation. If she is motivated, how long does it take a child to terminate an irritating Stop behavior like whining, arguing or teasing? The answer is about one second. It's really not a big project. Depending on how angry and oppositional a child is, ending occurrence of obnoxious behavior doesn't take tons of effort.
But now look at start behavior. How long does it take a child to accomplish something constructive, like eating dinner? Maybe twenty to twenty-five minutes. To pick up after himself? Perhaps fifteen minutes. To get ready for bed? twenty to thirty minutes. Ready for school? thirty minutes. Homework? School work might take anywhere from forty minutes to three years. So it's obvious that with start behavior, more motivation is required from the child. He has to begin the project, keep at it, and then finish. And the project is often something the child is not thrilled about having to do in the first place.
In addition, if encouraging positive behavior in kids requires more motivation from the kids, it is also going to require more motivation from Mum and Dad. As you'll soon see, putting an end to stop behavior by counting is relatively easy if you do it right. start behavior requires more sophisticated tactics.
In managing a behavioral difficult with one of your children, you will need to first determine if you have a stop or a start behavior problem. "is the issue something I want the child to quit? or is it something I want him or her to get on?" since counting is so easy, parents sometimes make the mistake of using counting start behavior (for example, counting a child to get her to do her homework).
As you will soon see, counting produces motivation that usually lasts only a short time (from a few seconds to a couple of minutes) in children and does not provide the lasting motivation needed to get a child to continue desired behavior. If you mix up tactics ( such as using the counting technique for homework), you will not get optimum results.
But don't worry. This whole procedure is so simple that you'll be an expert in no time. Effective discipline will start to come naturally and - believe it or not - your kids will start listening to you.
Parenting job 3 : Strengthening Your Relationship
Your final parenting job is to work on strengthening your relationship with your kids. This means making sure that screen time does not replace face-to-face time. More importantly, strengthening relationships means that you value enjoying one another's company. It is critical to your family's well-being and to your kids' self-esteem that you like (not just love) your children.
What does "liking" your children mean? here's an example. It's a Saturday and you're home by yourself for a few hours - a rare occurrence! Everyone has gone out. You're listening to some music and just puttering around. You hear a noise outside and look out to see a car pulling up in the driveway. One of your kids get out and head for the front door.
How do you feel in your gut right at that moment? If it's "Oh no, the fun's over!" that may not be like. If it's "Oh good, I've got some company!" that's more like like.
Liking your children and having a good relationship with them is important for lots of reasons. The most important reason may be that it's simply more fun. Kids are naturally cute and enjoyable a lot of the time, and you want to take advantage of that valuable quality. And they only grow up with you once.
In managing a behavioral difficult with one of your children, you will need to first determine if you have a stop or a start behavior problem. "is the issue something I want the child to quit? or is it something I want him or her to get on?" since counting is so easy, parents sometimes make the mistake of using counting start behavior (for example, counting a child to get her to do her homework).
As you will soon see, counting produces motivation that usually lasts only a short time (from a few seconds to a couple of minutes) in children and does not provide the lasting motivation needed to get a child to continue desired behavior. If you mix up tactics ( such as using the counting technique for homework), you will not get optimum results.
But don't worry. This whole procedure is so simple that you'll be an expert in no time. Effective discipline will start to come naturally and - believe it or not - your kids will start listening to you.
Parenting job 3 : Strengthening Your Relationship
Your final parenting job is to work on strengthening your relationship with your kids. This means making sure that screen time does not replace face-to-face time. More importantly, strengthening relationships means that you value enjoying one another's company. It is critical to your family's well-being and to your kids' self-esteem that you like (not just love) your children.
What does "liking" your children mean? here's an example. It's a Saturday and you're home by yourself for a few hours - a rare occurrence! Everyone has gone out. You're listening to some music and just puttering around. You hear a noise outside and look out to see a car pulling up in the driveway. One of your kids get out and head for the front door.
How do you feel in your gut right at that moment? If it's "Oh no, the fun's over!" that may not be like. If it's "Oh good, I've got some company!" that's more like like.
Liking your children and having a good relationship with them is important for lots of reasons. The most important reason may be that it's simply more fun. Kids are naturally cute and enjoyable a lot of the time, and you want to take advantage of that valuable quality. And they only grow up with you once.
Strategies for Strengthening your relationship :
Practice sympathetic listening
Avoid over - parenting
Join in one-on-one fun
Solve problems together
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